CHAPTER SIX

CHAPTER SIX

FOUNDING A FAMILY

Section One

Necessity

We have now come to the main part of our treatise. Founding a family is a bargain for a lifetime. Every young man and young woman must consider that founding a family is one of the most important matters in their life. A wedding is not mere entertainment. A wedding is an event with a far deeper essence than the show that entertainers put on for everyone. A wedding is a symbol: the symbol of the most serious agreement and covenant of two souls, of two people — a young man and a young woman — created before God by divine destiny; it is the signature of an oath declared before the people. The young man reflects on what kind of woman he wishes to live with for a lifetime. The woman, too, deeply considers what kind of man she wishes to spend her life with. They understand that living as a family, a lawful relationship between husband and wife, is an inseparable part of human life. Husband and wife, like a single body, defend the fortress of the family for life. In a family, neither the husband's nor the wife's pride and whims may prevail; for the prosperity and peace of the family, both sides sacrifice themselves. Husband and wife are people whose hearts are intertwined, who take care of and protect each other, who have made a covenant for an eternal union. If a person does not found a family, there is a great likelihood that he will lose his human countenance and his spirituality. Not founding a family leads a person to live unhappily, to find no meaning in life, and to pass away like an animal. Every young man and young woman, every man and woman, must certainly resolve to found a beautiful family. This is not a decision of foppishness, buffoonery or aimlessness; it is the basis for acquiring a serious countenance and dignity both before God and in the eyes of people. A man or a woman who has not founded a family is half a person. Being without a family is spiritual loneliness and the lack of support. Every man certainly needs a chaste wife; without a wife a man falls into ruin. Every woman undoubtedly needs to be in the marriage of a brave man; a woman without a husband is a defenseless fledgling, a rose trampled underfoot, a poppy plucked from its stem. A house without a wife is a graveyard. A courtyard without a man is a ruin about to collapse. The life of a man and a woman together is true life. For every person, the savor of the days and the color of the moments lie in a lawful spouse. Unmarried girls and divorced women are sorrowful deep inside. However much money they earn, however high they climb in rank and position, even if they rise to the seventh heaven of knowledge and learning, they will live with a sense of incompleteness and deficiency. Even if they are managers in offices, even if they laugh flirtatiously and boldly in front of cameras, even if piles of money pass through their hands, even if they wear the most expensive clothes, even if unrelated men praise and exalt them and bury them in flowers and gifts — so long as such a woman has no husband over her, so long as she is not under her husband's hand, in his warm embrace, in perfect obedience to him, she swallows nothing but poison. Let them console and justify themselves with freedom, liberty and other such words; let them make a fuss — the truth does not change. Every man and woman who has founded a family is obliged to cherish and protect it. What the morals of husband and wife in a family should be is the subject of a separate chapter; here we are establishing how necessary marriage, taking a wife, is for the human race. We are ringing a warning bell for women and girls who go about saying, “I will not marry.” Or we are crying out, “Come to your senses!” to those who go about saying, “I will break up my family.” Thus, we have spoken as best we could about founding a family being a matter of life and death. Now we must speak about the age for founding a family.

It is wise to make use of the possibility of founding a family immediately from the age permitted by law. As for girls, the point is that it is better for them to marry sooner. Becoming skilled in housework, mastering cooking and sewing, acquiring the knowledge of raising children, and making a blessed home flourish is the most beautiful choice. What is meant to happen had better happen. The longer it is delayed, the more unpleasant the situation becomes. The essence of the main advice for girls is this: until they marry, they must protect themselves from the lustful, animal gazes of unrelated young men and men; every girl knows herself that she is not a bone for dogs to drag about and gnaw. For a girl to put her body on the market so that young men will look at her is nothing but disgrace. It follows that a girl talking and corresponding with unrelated young men and men is contrary to the rules of chastity. These things lower a girl's worth, and no excuse or reason can justify them. It is close to the truth that in every young man's gaze at a girl without marriage lies forbidden and filthy lust; whether the young man wants it or not, it is impossible to deny that he looks at an uncovered girl with a gaze of lust and desire; it does not befit a girl to be a means of arousing or satisfying lust. In universities, technical schools or colleges, even in schools — in fact, anywhere at all — a girl “writing” the history of her “love” is considered the most serious mistake of her life. All the love stories described and romanticized in novels, novellas, short stories, films and series consist of nonsense and lies. Drinking and eating such content, poisoning the heart and mind with it, and “composing” stories of “pure love” with some young men in a manner contrary to one's chastity and honor is nothing but following the biological desires of the ego, or more precisely of the body, and justifying it as romance and love. These are not things that proud girls with lofty views, pure bodies and bright minds, who intend to build their families on sacred values, would allow themselves. In a word, such “romance” of girls brings only dishonor and leads them to become heroines of the shameless stories of immoral men. The conclusion on this matter is this: girls, keeping themselves pure and not sullying their imagination with forbidden thoughts, should know that a worthy and brave lawful spouse will be granted to them; let them not sink too deeply into thoughts about it, for that too is not good; what is meant to happen will happen. As for the essence of the admonition that young men need to know in this matter, it is this: one should take up a profession or a trade, learn the knowledge of valuing a woman and dealing with her, take the burden of a family upon one's shoulders, and then marry — and that is all. The marriages of young men and women are arranged by their parents. Young people who cannot tell white from black do not know which spouse suits them; for this reason their elders are responsible for this task. For every parent, if they have a daughter, to give her in marriage to a good family, and if they have a son, to take a wife for him from a good family, is a debt that never falls from their necks; if there are no parents, this task falls upon others, and this will be discussed in a separate chapter. In other words, we want to stress firmly the conclusion that parents should not allow young people to drift aimlessly, but should settle them in homes of their own.

Akrom MALIK