Chapter Nine

Chapter Nine

PREGNANCY, CHILD CARE AND UPBRINGING

Part Two

The Newborn

The birth of a baby is a great happiness. At this point everyone should support the young mother: usually the mother-in-law takes the responsibility upon herself here. It is good for the mother-in-law to lead the work of the daughter-in-law’s preparation for childbirth, her discharge from the maternity hospital, talking with the midwives and women doctors, and, as the daughter-in-law’s protector, ensuring responsibility during the birth process. If the mother-in-law abandons the daughter-in-law at this point, saying, “Manage on your own,” the daughter-in-law suffers from inexperience: in the maternity hospital nowadays many midwives and doctors have come to look at everyone’s hands; they look askance at those who do not pay, pay them no attention and treat them rudely; kind, sincere doctors who expect nothing are very few, and most of them do not see you as a human being unless you pay. The mother-in-law gives gifts to those greedy people and satisfies them, and with her stern presence she also makes the doctors take their work seriously. Bringing the mother and baby home from the hospital without extravagance, but with celebration, joy and a festive mood, is counted among the good customs. The new guest is welcomed with good intentions, prayers and charitable giving. If the child is born very small, one waits until he grows a little bigger; if he is a good, strong little one, it is best to swaddle him in the beshik cradle. Today some people are throwing stones at the beshik. This is a mistake. The beshik has no fault whatsoever. Every baby should be swaddled in the beshik. It saves him from the torment of the thing called Pampers and frees him from his urine and feces sticking to his body; and one can also list these good sides of it:

1. A child sleeps well in the beshik, because the beshik cover ensures this — in the dark, in a peaceful place, the little one rests calmly. 2. A baby usually startles a lot. Because his legs and arms are bound firmly and moderately, he is not constantly disturbed by startling and flinching. 3. A newborn cries for three reasons — when he is hungry, when he has gas, and when cold wind gets into his ear. If the child cries and has been fed, one should feel his belly; if it is tight, it means he has gas. One gently presses on his ear with the index finger; if the child squeals, it means the wind has got into his ear. The beshik cover and the swaddling cloth protect the child from such cold wind. 4. While the child is still a baby, he must be soothed as soon as he makes a little sound: if he is hungry, he is nursed; if he has gas, a towel warmed a little with an iron is placed on his belly and it is stroked; if his ear hurts, a remedy should be found in consultation with a doctor — so that the child does not cry for long and does not become a crybaby. While the child is a baby, during the first three months he should sleep 14–18 hours a day. This sleep is essential for his good development, the growth of his bones and his emotional stability. If he is not swaddled in the beshik, the child cannot find such sleep. In the beshik, as soon as he makes a little sound, he is gently rocked, and the child’s uninterrupted, quality sleep is ensured. Of course, no one rocks the beshik to the point that the baby’s brain is shaken; everyone has enough sense for that. If he is not swaddled in the beshik, there is a great chance that the child will not be able to sleep enough. Some young parents may give the child artificial liquids to drink so that he sleeps. This is not right. So the beshik is needed, and children must be swaddled in the beshik. Those who speak ill of the beshik, knowingly or unknowingly, are, alas, pouring water on the mill of those who want to lead us off the tested path. The child’s first bathing takes place when he is a week old. Here too the young mother cannot be left alone; the daughter-in-law’s own mother or the mother-in-law should lead this work and themselves wash and bathe the child. Likewise, these mothers are expected to swaddle their grandchildren in the beshik themselves and to teach the young mother the knowledge of swaddling in the beshik. The mother-in-law should take care of the daughter-in-law until her forty days (chilla) are over, not let strangers into the house with the baby, burn isiriq (wild rue), and constantly recite prayers. The daughter-in-law should lie in bed properly for 5–10 days and regain her strength; then, according to her condition, she can attend to the household and other work. During these days the mother-in-law should be even softer and more compassionate toward the daughter-in-law and keep the grandchild’s condition under her own supervision. This period is considered the time when the young mother most needs help. The mother-in-law should soothe the crying child, help relieve his gas, and tirelessly manage the daughter-in-law’s proper diet herself. For about six months the child’s stomach learns the work of digesting food. What the mother eats turns into milk; the baby’s stomach receives the substances in the food in the form of milk and suffers until it adapts to digesting it. That is why he gets gas, and to lessen this hardship it is good for the mother to eat very selectively. If the mother-in-law does not help here, it is natural that the young mother will be careless and will end up eating foods mixed together anyway. The child cries at night. His diapers must be cleaned and changed. The main thing is that every mother should resolve: I will certainly breastfeed my child. This should be regarded as a supreme value. With the mother’s milk, love and strength enter the child’s body. When a child nurses fully on his mother’s milk until the age of two, he grows healthy both in body and in spirit. Let neither young mothers nor fathers get angry when the child cries. Let them be patient. For they may feel as though they cannot bear this crying. It is truly hard to bear a baby’s crying, but one must not forget that this crying is the mercy of Allah. Never be angry with a little one. He brings the mercy of Allah and turns away His wrath, and becomes the reason for the doors of baraka to open. Our sins are very many, and the child is a shield for us.

If there were no little children, elderly, poor, disabled and sick people among us, divine compassion would cease to rain down on us, it would stop — perhaps stones would rain from the sky instead. And in general, being angry with a little one is not something even an animal does. As the baby grows bigger, becomes something you can hold in your arms and starts to notice things, the worries lessen a little and everyone’s joy keeps growing. If the baby seems a little ill, one should not pierce his body with needles and poison him by putting all sorts of medicines into his body. If, as far as possible, one consults elders and experienced doctors, they will tell of harmless and gentle ways. Private clinics have multiplied, and fairness has fled from doctors too: there are very many shameless and conscienceless, unscrupulous and lying people who do not hesitate to write out sacks of medicine if you bring them a child saying he is ill. May Allah grant them guidance. Gradually the baby begins to laugh, to make sounds and to express his feelings. Then he also says various letters. He slowly crawls. He learns to sit. He tries to stand up. All this happens in its own time. Girls speak earlier, eat food earlier, crawl earlier, walk and sit earlier. In boys this comes somewhat later. One should not hurry and not worry; in this matter one should listen to the words of the mother-in-law. The child drinks warm water; from three months on, besides milk, he may eat a very small amount of something else, for example a mung-bean-sized amount of the boiled egg white of a home-raised hen once a day. If this is increased month by month, according to experienced doctors, it provides calcium. One should not constantly bundle the child up, but let him feel the weather. Let his body feel the coolness in winter and the warmth in summer in moderation; in particular, the child’s skin should get its fill of the morning rays of the sun. Those living in the city should set an hour every day for taking the child out in the fresh air. In doing so, one should take measures so that the child does not catch cold. The child is bathed at certain intervals according to the season. He must absolutely not wear synthetics; he must wear only soft clothes made of one hundred percent cotton. A child who has turned one can freely eat food cooked in the cauldron at home. It is given to him moderately chopped and made soft. One should feed the child things that give him strength, in moderation. Both mother’s milk and food help him grow up strong. Day by day the child becomes sweeter, takes interest in toys and knows what being pampered is; one should not spare love and tenderness toward the child. Of course, it is essential to put him to sleep at the proper time. And so the child turns two. His period of infancy ends, and now comes the turn of the period of asking questions and thinking.

Akrom MALIK