CHAPTER ONE

CHAPTER ONE THE RULER OF THE FAMILY — THE FATHER

Section Two The Father’s Character

The father is the pillar who carries the whole burden of the family on his shoulders. He understands this deeply. He makes good character his chief principle. The father is, above all, a man of fortitude. He does not run from the worries and hardships of the family. He takes problems and difficulties upon his shoulders bravely. For him the family and its affairs are a matter of life and death. The father is a man of courage. In defending the family he fears nothing and does not flinch. He guards the family both physically and spiritually; if a child needs help, he flies to them even without wings; he is responsible for every state of the home: in the evening he locks the doors; he checks the lights and the gas; he senses possible dangers in advance and takes measures of protection. The father does not drink. He does not smoke. He keeps far from indecency and other evil deeds. The father does not oppress. The father does not act in haste. The father is patient and gentle. The father watches everyone in the family attentively, especially his children. He does not overlook the physical and spiritual changes and growth in them. He knows everything about his children’s eyes, faces, complexions. He knows when a child is sad and when he is happy. He is never unaware of whether a child is becoming diligent or lazy, truthful or deceitful. He knows what his child’s nature loves and what it hates. He senses whether the child is drawn to knowledge or to a profession, to which craft and which field. He does not openly pamper the child in front of elders or out in the street, does not kiss and fuss over him. Rather, he lets him feel it through his actions and his care. He does not humiliate the child. He points out his mistake gently. He corrects it. He helps him to correct it. He listens to what the child says. But he does not call everything he says true; rather, he checks it, and then either confirms it or rejects it. He does not leave the child without supervision for a single moment, yet he does not let him sense this in the slightest. If he sees faults in the child, he first warns him twice, and then takes measures of punishment. He shows his anger in some form, very moderately, so that the child knows that the father has anger. It is natural for there to be a veil between father and child. Let the father not try to make a show of being the child’s confidant and friend; rather, let him know the child’s whole inner world. The father’s love is always hidden, and it is a necessity. That is, it is not spoken aloud, it is not declared. It is shown in certain forms and in certain situations, naturally. The father’s understanding perceives the moment when there is such a need. The father does not fear work. He does not shy away from labor. The father does not backbite, he speaks ill of no one. The father is a person of mystery; his worries and sorrows, his joys and delights should remain a secret to the child. The father should wake early and wake the whole family. The father should perform his acts of worship on time, make dua, and go about with a lawful and clean body and clean clothing. The father strives never to allow the child to see, even by mistake, the parts of his body that are counted as awrah. From the child’s earliest years, the father’s attention and care toward him show the child that he is an important person.

Akrom MALIK