CHAPTER ONE

CHAPTER ONE THE RULER OF THE FAMILY — THE FATHER

Section Three The Father's Policy in the Family

Beginning: 👉 Part 1. 👉 Part 2.

The father pays serious attention to there being justice among the several children in a family. Favoring one over another, or regarding one as lower, is an extremely serious mistake. Naturally, the heart of both father and mother may lean more toward one of their children; even if this is not observed in everyone equally, it is an undeniable situation. Here both father and mother are required to be wise — they do not reveal this feeling to the other children. It is best that the thought “My father or my mother is singling me out from my other brothers” never forms in the children. But a subtle policy established in the family is that the younger ones feel respect for the older children. The father honors the firstborn sons and daughters and gradually instills that they are superior in reason and age, that the younger ones must consult the elders and obey their words and speech. For this, the father says phrases such as: “Call your older brother,” “Let's set some aside for your older brother too,” “Your older brother will be upset,” “I wonder what your older brother will say?”, “Did you ask your older brother?”, “Go and congratulate your older brother.” Where appropriate, the word “older sister” is used in place of “older brother.” A feeling of compassion toward the younger ones is cultivated: he says phrases such as “Don't upset your younger brother,” “Let's set some aside for your younger brother,” “Give it to your younger brother,” “Help your younger brother.” As a result, in the family the older brothers and sisters grow up kind and compassionate toward those younger than themselves, while the younger brothers and sisters grow up obedient to their elders, listening to them and following them. In the future, quarrels over inheritance, intrigues among sisters-in-law, and disputes over property and wealth are prevented; after their parents are gone they do not scatter, but, holding closely together, they preserve the honor and name of the lineage and defend the upbringing and morals of the family like a fortress. When the children have grown up and started families, it is ensured that they and the grandchildren gather in one place every month and spend the day together. At this gathering people do not merely get together and eat; such matters are discussed as who is doing what work, who is unemployed, who is studying, who is having financial difficulties. The children who are materially strong help the others; it is never allowed that any member of the lineage be left unemployed, needy and wasting away, or wander about in strange places. Paternal and maternal uncles give presents and gifts to their nephews and nieces; young people who have begun earning money give presents and gifts from their first salaries, and from their income in general, to their grandfathers and grandmothers, parents, uncles and aunts, and receive their prayers. The eldest of the family — the head of the lineage — gathers everyone in one place, gives advice about faith and belief, honesty and purity, and mutual affection and loyalty, and prays for the young people and for the whole family. The relationships with the father-in-law, mother-in-law, brothers-in-law, sisters-in-law, son-in-law, daughter-in-law, the wives of brothers, uncles, aunts, nephews and nieces will be discussed in separate chapters.

Akrom MALIK