CHAPTER ONE

CHAPTER ONE THE RULER OF THE FAMILY — THE FATHER

Section Three The Father's Policy in the Family

(Beginning. Continued)

The father's approach to his son and to his daughter is different. He does not speak harshly to his daughter; he speaks only gently. It is not recommended that a father kiss his daughter, and likewise the daughter should not kiss her father. This is part of the old national upbringing. The mother is the one who sees to the daughter's upbringing, and this will be discussed in a separate chapter. When a father keeps his son under supervision, there are conditions for this. First, the son must know the list of things that are permitted and not permitted; he is told about this step by step and in separate conversations, according to his age. Second, in some cases the father should turn a blind eye to his son's mistakes and urge him to correct them with hints. Knowingly turning a blind eye to others' faults is called taghaful, and it has been said that nine tenths of beautiful character consist of taghaful. Third, as the son grows older, the father must create conditions for him to make independent decisions; the son must also experience the losses that follow these decisions and draw conclusions. Fourth, the father is the very first trainer of the ego for the child, that is, the father is the best educator of the child's ego; never forgetting this truth, let the father not shrink back from reining in his son's raging ego. It is natural for the father to assign his son physical and organizational tasks and to teach him how to carry them out. It is good for a father to teach his son at least three crafts — crafts involving manual labor — and to apprentice him to a master for this; even if the son does not earn his living by that craft, it will be a great help to him throughout his life. The father also spends time with his son, goes on trips with him, and carries out certain tasks together with him. That is, he should go with his son to the mountains, on long journeys, to sports, and to various events, pilaf gatherings, weddings, memorial gatherings, funerals and the like. In the process, the son comes to know his father better and becomes more closely bound to him in spirit. It is a mistake for a father to say, “I can give all the upbringing myself.” Of course, he must look for a perfect teacher for his son. It is best that the teacher be advanced in years, married, with no stain on his name and honor, someone who has brought other students to maturity, a trustworthy person. Nowadays, if the father does not find a teacher himself and the son finds one, the father meets him personally, and if he is pleased with him, he serves him and does good things for him for his son's sake. All of these guidelines are recommendations; they are merely general rules for raising a perfect child, and if they are followed, there is hope of good results.

Akrom MALIK

(To be continued)